'Don't Sit On the Baby' Is Available in French!

My first book Don't Sit on the Baby, a babysitting survival guide for kids, is now available in French!

Gardiennage y'all!

This blows my mind as I speak not one word of French. It sounds a lot...artier this way.

Check it out here! ...I think....

Found in Red Hook!

Chilling outside of an apartment building on Hicks. Now I know nothing about addiction, medical care, syringes, OR needles, but I do know that the UPS color scheme has some competish. 

My Shitty Weekend

There is a certain morbid pleasure in emotional trauma. Much in the same way that your organs tell you you're hungry, sated, tired, caffeinated, nervous, embarrassed, uncomfortable or frightened, you're also relying on your body for primal cues that were synaptically imbued long ago. If we feel sad, we often wonder if we're actually sad, and we do some complicated math to talk ourselves out of it. We can fool ourselves into believing that emotions are a choice, sure.

The physical, however, makes it a Real Thing.

How fascinating it is to have a Real Thing on my hands!

When the primal cues deliver, it's sort of neat. The doorbell rings, my hands start shaking. The darkness outside + that photo = stomach pains. The desire to run is actually making my legs tense up...that's a new one. However, since I can't leave, my brain has taken it upon itself to trip on some homespun acid, convincing me that this house is no discrete construction: it is everything, it is Time itself, it is All There Is and Ever Will Be. The walls seem thicker than before, the beds more uncomfortable. My eyes dart and my skin jumps, thanks to the unfriendly shadow people who loom outside of every door. Best to stay in the room with the broadest watchtower view. Simple equations!

The emotional side effects are less fascinating. There's crying and screaming and fits of rage, poor judgment, emboldened cursing. This is all sandwiched by bouts of religious-like optimism and a sense of gratefulness that could part the clouds and unleash rainbows and fucking unicorns and puppies. Nobody likes to see these emotional bits. Impositions at best. Complicated math will clear them right up.

But the physical is made of atoms and entropy. Neal DeGrasse Tyson can't even deny this shit.

Yes, how fascinating to have Real Thing on my hands. Do I get a prize?

I think I have carpal tunnel so I'm dictating this post

Today at work I felt a rather disturbing numbness running from my thumb through my forearm. Extensive Internet research indicates that I have carpal tunnel syndrome. Either that, or according to Web MD, I'm having a stroke. It says MD so it must be right.

Instead of going to a doctor, I'm testing out the simple dictation feature on the Mac to help me write my book. My deadline scoffs at excuses. Turns out, it's not an ideal technology for writing a book, at all. Whatsoever. Or for writing a blog. This is taking fucking forever.

It's this one. You probably recognize it from such well-known places as your iPhone.

However the technology's grasp of individual words and phrases is pretty good, and it doesn't shy away from curse words obviously.

 Let's test this motherfucker. Poop.

Note: my diction is pretty good, and my accent is uncomplicated by Cupertino, California standards.

Self-flagellation  =   correct!

Abdel Fatah al-Sisi  = Of Dell Fatah LCC

What in the ever loving fuck is going on with my hand = correct!

This shit is mad fluvial = correct!

The lyrics to "All Night Long" by Lionel Richie:

We're going to Pozzi Kallaramo fiesta forever come on and seeing and long on my long on nine long Hey man jumbo jumbo.


Things apparently start to fall apart when you sing to it.

I Don't Mean to Write "Fun" All the Time, But I Do Anyway

I recently submitted a short story to an amazing, highly reputable publication. I was rejected, but not because the story stank (hooray!)

The kind and generous reviewer (read: I'd like to submit again so I still love you a lot!) told me that the tone was off from the rest of the pieces they planned to publish for that issue. He said my piece was light and funny, and that their latest edition would be full of dark and serious fare. He advised me to re-apply after a few more cycles.

When I say the reviewer was generous, I mean it. He didn't have to tell me why I was rejected, and he didn't have to encourage me to apply later on. It was above and beyond what most people do in this hyper-busy, callous industry. It's more than what I would do, for I prefer the "Ignore-and-Dash" method when it comes to rejecting employees.

But, what did throw me off is this: I swear on my life that I didn't mean for my piece to be light and funny.

I mean, I didn't think it was Crime and Punishment or anything, but I honestly believed it was one of the most serious things I have ever written. Some real pathos to the face! A true Bildungsroman! Yes, there's humor, but dark humor. The "wow this shit is makin' me think" humor, not the "hahahahahahaha *snort*" humor. Even then, I believed the humor was trumped by a dead-ass, if not gratingly serious message: the protagonist is way fucked up by all accounts, and this isn't going to end well. So, go be sad.

That I was completely wrong about the piece --  at least according to this guy who has many, many more degrees than me -- says a lot about me. This picture also says a lot about me.

Lesson: you can't escape who you are. I will never be Dostoevsky unless you're just asking me to wear a fake beard and eat a lot of goulash. Thankfully, I do both, often.

Awesome Reviews for '77 Things You Absolutely Have To Do Before You Finish College!"

Great news! The reviews for my latest book are in, and they're spectacular! Thank you San Francisco City Book Review, Publishers Weekly, and Voya Magazine!

This is me right now.

And now for review excerpts in large fonts!

"Readers will find a good dose of inspiration here. . . Bondy's writing style is conversational and infused with a humorous touch. Readers will likely get the sense that they are getting advice from a big sister who has been there, one who encourages a balance of fun, healthy risks with responsibility with an eye on the future. This would make a good gift for high school graduates." 

--- Voya Magazine

"A terrific addition to any high school grad’s gift pile or freshman-year move-in gear." 

--- San Francisco City Book Review (full review here)

"Bondy provides an array of opportunities to make their time in college as well-rounded as possible. And much of the advice applies to life beyond college, too."

 --- Publisher's Weekly (full review here)

If you haven't bought it yet....get it at Zest Books!

Beauteous Red Hook

The view from my jog today. That's Lady Liberty overlooking the dazzling Ikea Ferry on a foggy day. I should be feeling stuff on my insides, but mostly I'm wondering why the hell I'm jogging. 

The Bronx is F***ing Fantastic

Two weekends ago, my good friend (who knew me back in the day) and I decided to go on a sight-seeing tour of my native borough, the one so often forgotten by guidebooks and maligned for reasons that could easily be said about places in Brooklyn (where I currently live). But anyway...The Bronx.

The Bronx has a lot of, well, Queens-y type neighborhoods: family friendly and very diverse. I'm from the Van Cortlandt Park Amalgamated Housing Cooperative, which still provides amazing apartments for moderate-income families...if you can get off the waiting list. It's one of the last co-ops of its kind in New York City.

There is a part of me that would love to go back to the sprawling trees and homey feel of this decidedly ungentrified borough, but I don't think I'll ever convince my boyfriend. In the meantime, I have to settle for out-of-the-way visits every now and again.

This was where we lived. We had three enormous bedrooms overlooking the park....all for $600/month. Would you believe that?



On our trip, we visited the Bartow-Pell Mansion Museum in Pelham Bay Park. Apparently there were a lot of mansions of this kind in the Bronx back when people considered it vacation territory. This is one of the few remaining. It belonged to the Bartow family, who were finance folks. The city eventually bought it and transformed it into a museum. It's a gorgeous Greek revival home, but it was real hard to heat in the 19th Century.
















Next we went to City Island right off Pelham Bay Park. Apparently I went here as a kid a few times, but I don't remember. How could I forget these antique stores and all the waterfront dining?















Next we went to Arthur Avenue, Bronx's Little Italy, which I do remember well. We ate at Mario's all the time. So happy to see it's still in business. We also visited the big indoor market, and other fine Italian establishments.






It's a restorative experience to visit your old 'hood when you haven't been there in ages. This is probably universal, but I feel like my childhood memories are so tied up in my parents and family, as if they aren't necessarily my own. Indeed, we don't have a say in where we live as children, what our rooms look like, or what memories we get to create. Experiencing these things as a fully-fledged adult, with a friend, on my own terms -- it's so identity-affirming. Or something. Try it, dammit. You'll see what I mean.

Then we headed back to Long Island City, Queens, to top off our trip. (And to drop off the car so we could drink, lesbehonest). My friend is from Queens, born and raised, so she got a little bit of a childhood tour too...though she still lives there.

Anyway, we came across this amazing scene, right out of a noir detective flick.

The Writing Process Blog Tour

Hooray! I was invited to participate in a Writing Process Blog tour, where I discuss my writer's process, then pass the buck to other amazing writers to post the following week!

The Writing Process Book Tour has taken the internet by storm, and I'm honored to be a part of it. I was invited by the amazing Anna Schumacher, writer of the thriller Y.A. series End Times. You can read her writing process answers, and her blog here. 

I'm supposed to answer some questions about my writing process, so here goes nothin!

1) What am I working on? 

Speak Up! is a non-fiction book for middle schoolers coming out in 2015 on Zest Books, distributed by Houghton Mifflin. It is, in essence, a how-to on speaking up for middle school girls. I'm really, really excited about it. I'm also working on an adult fiction novel, which is still in the draft phase. Hopefully it will be my magnum opus! 

2) How does my work differ from others of its genre?

It depends on what I'm working on...additionally I do freelance journalism, blogging and playwriting. But in the case of my published books: they tend to be very frank and very clear, and I never underestimate the audience though they might be young. Speak Up will incorporate loads of digital age graphics, which will differentiate it from text-heavy books that middle schoolers throw away. It also helps to interview actual middle schoolers and conduct research, which seems obvious but a lot of people don't do it.

 In terms of fiction, sorry to sound like a jerk, but I think my personal voice is very unique. Whether you like it or not is another story!

3) Why do I write what I do? 

I have to write, always have. That's a given. Honestly I've written a couple of books in order to get my foot in the door, but Speak Up is an opportunity to help out kids in a way that I -- and my generation -- were not. 

In terms of fiction writing, it's simply what I was born to do...a compulsion, if you will. There is nothing like creating something that makes people laugh and think. Nothing like it in the world!

4) How does your writing process work?

Again, depends on what I'm working on. If it's an article or blog, I usually fly by the seat of my pants -- no outlines, little planning, just reporting and working at it until it reads well. Books, however, are monsters. I tend to create an outline for the entire book, and try to stick to it. But as I actually do the work of writing, I let my mind go wherever it goes. If it means changing the outline, so be it!


Next week on the Writing Process Blog Tour...

Sharon Adarlo: sharonadarlo.com

Sharon Adarlo is a writer and artist based in Newark, New Jersey. As a freelance journalist, Sharon's works have appeared in The Wall Street Journal, The Huffington Post and other publications. She has written about topics from Muslim weddings to Filipino food to crime stories such as the Etan Patz case. Her art covers drawing, painting, and illustration. She also makes animation videos. 

John Thrasher: johnthrasher.wordpress.com

John Thrasher is a New York based entertainment writer and producer. In 2011 he co-founded the entertainment website Hypable.com, where he works as a writer/editor and podcast producer/host. He has worked as a writer, editor and producer for  MTV, the U.S. Open and CBS, and currently, NBCUniversal. 

(Headshot by Nichole McCall)

What I Did This Weekend Instead of Writing

I fell brutally ill this weekend for reasons that will show my age, so I won't tell you what they are. (I can't handle alcohol anymore! At all! And lying down for too long gives me crippling back pain!). Parentheses hide things from the internet, right?  

So here's what I did, instead of writing the book I'm supposed to be writing. 

1. Watched two seasons of Mad Men from the very beginning.

I haven't watched Seasons 1 and 2 of Mad Men since they first came out, and my lord sweet awesome...they really stand the test of time. In fact, I'd argue that the first seasons hold up way better than the later ones. They move, they have a clear direction, the context is much more palpable. It was all just a lot more fun, probably because Weiner didn't know he'd have tons more seasons to drag out yet.

Plus, I was but an invincible college grad when the show first debuted: it's a whole different ball game watching Draper and Cooper deteriorate and contemplate mortality NOW...when I'm doing the same thing. Which brings me to #2. 

2. Suffered debilitating anxiety. 

This is sort of a regular thing with me, but it's so much worse when you're alone with the Mad Men pathos and All the Thoughts. Everything about my life sucked, yet I couldn't (/on some level didn't want to) lift a finger to change it. We all know the feeling New Yorkers amirite? 

Eventually, after a sleepless night, I got up and went to work like none of it ever happened, which is a finely-honed NYC skill as well. Everything's fine now! Life is grand and I'm stupidly ambitious again until next week!

3. Decided to get a little more personal on my blog. 

Whilst my sweaty body became one with the futon, I had a revelation. There is nothing that I can tell the internet that it hasn't heard before. So why not. 

4. Downed Advil like they was a bag o' potato chips.

I should note it didn't do anything to help my back pain. I'm officially an Aleve woman. I should also note that I don't eat potato chips that quickly or often. 

So...clearly I was busy and didn't have time  to write. 

My Deadline is Too Reasonable

So, right at the heels of an amazing launch of my book....

....I'm about to embark on a whole new one! 

 This time, the word count is smaller, and the deadline is so reasonable that I almost don't know what to do with myself. Pretty much everything I have ever done has been on a coffee-bending, no-sleep, no-fun, shoot-me-in-the-face deadline. Surely, this will only enable me to screw around and save the entire book until the last possible minute.  

OH WELL! HERE'S A PICTURE OF RUPAUL Y'ALL! 

Photo Credit: Me! I'm serious. And yes, even stripped down to his bare manstuff, he's everything you want in a RuPaul. The royal Ru-Ness will be on The Face next week at 8/7c, which explains how in the ever-loving hell I wound up with RuPaul on a roof.

But back to my book. Actually, no, back to this. WHAT? 

Hello Again Blogosphere!

I know you really missed me. Seriously, those three blog posts I created in 2010 about getting my car serviced had the interwebs buzzing. Well guess what, I'm back again for another go. Get ready for updates, musings, and a whole host of ridiculous!